You’re Only Old Once!
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Dr. Seuss's elderly Everyman travels, in rhyme and illustrations, along the Golden Years Clinic's assembly line of medical tests and questions, meeting Miss Becker of Stethescope Row, Dr. Pollen, Dietician Van Eiffel, and others
With his unmistakable rhymes and signature illustration style, Dr. Seuss creates a classic picture-book ode to aging in You're Only Old Once! On a visit to "the Golden Years Clinic on Century Square for Spleen Readjustment and Muffler Repair," readers will laugh with familiar horror at the poking and prodding and testing and ogling that go hand in hand with the dreaded appellation of "senior citizen." Though Dr. Seuss is known for his peerless work in books for children, this comical look at what it's like to get older is ideal for Seuss fans of advanced years. In his own words, this is "a book for obsolete children." A perfect gift for retirement, birthdays, and holidays! This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.
A crotchety old man decided to wash his sweatshirt. He threw it in the washing machine and yelled to his wife, "What setting do I use?" His wife asked, "What does it say on the shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Texas." If this man sounds like someone you know, chances are he's a crotchety old man! We all have a crotchety old man in our lives. Maybe he's your father, your grandfather, your brother, your husband-or, though you'd never admit it, even you! From the author of How Not to Become a Little Old Lady here's the companion, How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man, a lighthearted celebration of the grumpy old men in your life. Author Mary McHugh's 250 hilarious truths about cranky, crusty old guys who would rather spend days trying to build something rather than read the instructions are coupled with the charming and humorous art of Adrienne Hartman. If he's ever done one of the following things, it's a sure sign you have a crotchety old man on your hands: * Stood in the middle of the kitchen and said, "Where's the butter?" * Bought cans of broken cashews because they're cheaper. * Yelled at news anchors on television. * Cheated on his diet but yelled at his wife when she ate one MandM. Perfect for Father's Day, How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man is for any man who wants to ensure he doesn't slip into the crotchety zone. It also makes a great gift for that guy in your life who is a crotchety old man but will never believe one line in this book is about him!
Have you stopped getting your freak on and started getting your creak on? Do your hobbies now include 'napping', 'relaxing' and 'having a quiet one'? Have you found you've more in common with your nan than your peers? It sounds like you're OLD AF! Get out your fun slippers and sit back with this collection of hilarious quips and too-true quotes for the old at heart.
"You know you're getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." —John MendozaYou might be getting a bit thin on top, plump at the middle, and creaky around the knees, but that doesn't mean you've forgotten how to enjoy yourself! This collection of witty quotations, light-hearted yarns, and cheerful jokes will help you chalk that last "senior moment" down to experience, forget the grey hairs and the twinges, and celebrate getting older with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your wrinkle.
We can't stop the aging process, but with the help of How Not to Become a Little Old Lady, we can at least not act older than our age. Author Mary McHugh offers up more than 100 pointers of things not to do to stave off little old ladyhood. Illustrated with the humorous line art of Adrienne Hartman, this little book reminds us not to boil our vegetables until they are gray, tell boring stories with no point to them, carry a tissue up our sleeve, or dye our own hair and think nobody can tell.
Welcome to the Not-So-Glorious Days With the uncertain economy, lingering wars, and the ever-present threats of everything from bird flu to Bieber Fever, it's tempting to long for the "good old days." But just how good were they? Buckle up for a bumpy ride down memory lane (and try not to get trampled) as these 665 funny history facts and terrifying truths reveal the unfortunate reality of life during the eighteenth, nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. From patents that should still be pending to hairdos that attract vermin, these horrors will leave you thankful you didn't have to struggle to live through them. Brace yourself as the truth hits you like an ice-cold Victorian-era shower with enough pressure to knock you unconscious. Get ready to shudder with laughter (or horror) at these funny moments in history that are not to be forgotten.
“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you should have been.” —David Bowie Sixty is the new fifty, seventy’s the new sixty, and older is getting younger every day. With fun, forward-looking, and inspiring quotes, So Who’s Counting is the ideal gift for baby boomers or anyone reaching a major age milestone. Instead of cloying sentimentality or the standard sagging-body-part jokes, it strikes the perfect balance of humor, guidance, reflection, bon mots. Quotes are divided into eight sections, such as “As Old as You Feel,” “Laughter: The Best Prescription,” and “Aged to Perfection.” So Who’s Counting is all about aging with gusto and celebrating what lies ahead.
A tongue-in-cheek reworking of the legends of Lady Godiva and Peeping Tom, in which the seven Godiva sisters vow not to wed until each has discovered a new Horse Truth of benefit to all mankind
Images from the work of Dr. Seuss for all ages to color! This beautiful book--featuring two colors of foil on the cover--will provide hours of creative fun for Dr. Seuss fans from 7 to 107! With intricate illustrations (some more complex than others), playful patterns, and iconic images based on pages from such titles as The Cat in the Hat, Oh, the Places You'll Go!, The Lorax, and Horton Hears a Who!, now you can color Dr. Seuss's work any way you want! Want to know if your favorite is included? The illustrations to color are derived from the following books: And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry Street, The Cat in the Hat, The Cat in the Hat's Songbook, Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?, Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book, The Foot Book, Horton Hears a Who!, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew, If I Ran the Circus, If I Ran the Zoo, The Lorax, Oh Say Can You Say?, Oh, the Places You'll Go!, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!, On Beyond Zebra, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Scrambled Eggs Super, There's a Wocket in My Pocket!, What Pet Should I Get?, Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories, and You're Only Old Once.
This fascinating illustrated booklet gives a brief day-by-day summary of the top news stories of 1949, showing an important event for every day of the year. Read about key events in pop and politics, technology and travel, arts and entertainment, and famous births, deaths and marriages. This pocket volume will make a great little present for a birthday, anniversary or reunion, or for anyone who just wants a stroll down memory lane.
Some books are about a single wish. Some books are about three wishes. The infallible team of Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld have combined their extraordinary talents to create this exuberant book of endless good wishes. Wishes for curiosity and wonder, for friendship and strength, laughter and peace. Whether celebrating life's joyous milestones, sharing words of encouragement, or observing the wonder of everyday moments, this sweet and uplifting book is perfect for wishers of every age. Plus, this is the fixed format version, which will look almost identical to the print version.
Tongue twisters abound in this classic Dr. Seuss Beginner Book! "Bed Spreaders spread spreads on beds. Bread Spreaders spread butter on breads. And that Bed Spreader better watch out how he's spreading . . . or that Bread Spreader's sure going to butter his bedding." This riotous collection weaves together a wonderment of words designed to twist the lips. Wordsmiths and beginning readers will love Oh Say Can You Say? and treasure tackling these tangled tongue teasers. Originally created by Dr. Seuss, Beginner Books encourage children to read all by themselves, with simple words and illustrations that give clues to their meaning.
"Don't let ageing get you down. It's too hard to get back up." --John Wagner Like a valuable antique, maybe your smooth finish has become a little lined and your legs creak from time to time. But don't worry: even if you no longer have all your original parts and nobody can find your instruction manual, it's great to be vintage! This joyful collection of quotations celebrates the lighter side of aging, and shows that it really is the life in your years that counts.
When the principal tells first grade teacher Mrs. Belle that she must retire, she and her students wonder how they will keep in touch.
What’s better than a lost treasure? Seven lost treasures! These rarely seen Dr. Seuss stories were published in magazines in the early 1950s and are finally available in book form. They include “The Bippolo Seed” (in which a scheming feline leads a duck toward a bad decision), “The Rabbit, the Bear, and the Zinniga-Zanniga” (about a rabbit who is saved from a bear by a single eyelash), “Gustav, the Goldfish” (an early rhymed version of the Beginner Book A Fish Out of Water), “Tadd and Todd” (about a twin who is striving to be an individual), “Steak for Supper” (in which fantastic creatures follow a boy home in anticipation of a steak dinner), “The Strange Shirt Spot” (the inspiration for the bathtub-ring scene in The Cat in the Hat Comes Back), and “The Great Henry McBride” (about a boy whose far-flung career fantasies are bested only by those of Dr. Seuss himself). An introduction by Seuss scholar Charles D. Cohen traces the history of the stories, which demonstrate an intentional move toward the writing style we now associate with Dr. Seuss. Cohen also explores the themes that recur in well-known Seuss stories (like the importance of the imagination or the perils of greed). With a color palette enhanced beyond the limitations of the original magazines, this is a collection that no Seuss fan (whether scholar or second grader) will want to miss.
A lighter look at life after retirement: more together-time than you ever dreamt of! Join "Ten Cats" cartoonist Graham Harrop in a behind-the-scenes peek at the trials and tribulations of the newly retired.
The Perfect Retirement Gift, or Simply a Great Read for Anyone That Loves Life and Laughter! No more morning commute, no more idiotic bosses, no more stressful deadlines! You are now officially off the clock and the world is your oyster!
From using crackpot psychics to cutting-edge forensics, Arthur Bryant and John May are famous for their maddeningly unorthodox approach to solving crimes that the ordinary police cannot. Now Christopher Fowler, “a new master of the classical detective story,”* brings back crime detection’s oddest—and oldest—couple to solve the ultimate locked room mystery. It’s an “impossible” crime—a member of the Peculiar Crimes Unit killed inside a locked autopsy room populated only by the dead and to which only four PCU members had a key. And to make matters worse, the Unit has been shut down for a forced “vacation” and Bryant and May are stuck in a van miles away in the Dartmoor countryside during a freak snowstorm on their way to a convention of psychics. Now, with Sergeant Janice Longbright in charge at headquarters, Bryant and May must crack the case by cell phone while trying to stop a second murder without freezing to death. For among the line of snowed-in vehicles, a killer is on the prowl, a beautiful woman is on the run from a man who seeks either redemption or another victim, and an innocent child is caught in the middle. Weaving together two electrifying cases, White Corridor is an unforgettable triumph—by turns hilarious and harrowing—as two of detective fiction’s most marvelous characters confront one of human nature’s darkest mysteries: the ability to deceive, deny, and destroy. From the Hardcover edition.